A quickie

I am going to make this a quick post again tonight. I am really tired and really want to lay down and sleep. We had a big day today, walking down to Target.

I will catch you again tomorrow.

(here goes a clever closing line that will be determined later.)

Trying this again

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Well, the hustle and bustle of Christmas is over now. Plus, the snow is slowly melting away, which means that it will soon be life as normal. Actually there is one factor changed. I have just quit smoking!! I had decided that once I finished the pack of smokes I was working on, I would quit. My reason? Simple. I had decided that I did not deserve to stand out in the cold just to smoke a cigarette. I deserve better than that. There are a few other good reasons, but I will save them for my first step when I decide to write it out.

I really should post this on the Nicotine Anonymous site. It helps people get through a rough time in their lives. Nobody said the quitting was going to be easy. I am really scared about this one. The reason I did not make it last time was because I could not imagine myself not smoking. For some reason, I do not see myself ever being a non-smoker. Now, I also told myself that I would never drive again, and that I would never see one year sobriety. Both of those have been accomplished. Maybe I can accomplish this one too. I will see.

Well, this is enough from me for now.

A White Christmas

Merry Christmas!! In 38 years, this was my very first white Christmas. Well, last year we did have some snow, but it did not last very long. So, it is kind of cool, in a way. It sucks because we have been trapped at home for too long. I have missed a week of work, and I am not sure if I am even going to get paid for the pay period, because I am not sure whether my time sheet has been faxed in or not.

I am not sure what the future of this blog will be at this time. I am considering starting a new blog on the first of January. I know that I have discussed this before. So many of the post I have here were not write on the day that they were posted. I would really like to get a blog where I post about recovery slogans and how I relate them to my life. Maybe I can continue to post to this blog and start another one on top of this. The only problem I have with this idea is that I do not want to get too much going at the same time. At one time I had globs and groups all over the place, and I had no clue as to where to post things to. I made it a point to only keep one blog. I also made it a point to keep my Myspace just to keep people up to date on what is going on in my world. I also have my 360 page, but I have changed my Yahoo ID, so I do not have very many friends on it as of yet. I keep hoping that things will change before too long.

I know what I need to do, though. I need to go to meetings. Maybe I should even get going to some chat rooms. This is how I am going to make some new friends. I am a little scared to get into some rooms, because I do not know the people in them. This is OK, I just need to practice some boundaries. Things will work out in the long run.

I know, not much of this has to do with Christmas. I think we had an awesome day today. The kids got lots of presents, thank to the Christmas Angel Program and the other Angel Program that was through the school. If I keep going the way I have been, and as long as God is willing, I will be able to provide a Christmas like this for the kids next year. I am also hoping that I may be able to provide a good

Christmas for a needy family next year, also.

Well, this is enough from me for now.

(here goes a clever closing line that will be determined later)

twas the night before Christmas

We have visited the NORAD website today, tracking the journey of Santa Claus. It is kind of cool to see how fast he travels. He is able to deliver presents to all the children in some countries in about an hour. Dang, it took me hours today just to get present for two children. I really do not see how that man did it. It is even more amazing to think that he is over 16 centuries old. I swear that the man is not a day over 10 centuries.

Well, it is time to get the kids to go to sleep. I know how hard it can be to sleep knowing that this man will come into our house. I guess that this is another magical thing about Santa. How does he manage to get all these presents into the house with out waking anybody up? My kids can be light sleepers, so they are able to hear. I really do not know.

On a more serious note..

I got to thinking about people less fortunate than us this year. The ones that I really though about were the recovering addicts. It is hard to live in this world knowing that you are the one who messed up your life. I guess that this is the time of year when it really hits home. There are so many people out there who are struggling to get their lives back together, doing what ever it takes to clean and sober up. Sometimes it takes time for this to happen. So many of them are sitting home alone today, full of regrets and sorrow. Some of them are still living in homeless shelter. Some of them only got to see their children for a couple hours of a supervised visit. Some of them have been excluded from the family events because of their behavior of the past. Their families have gotten tired of stressing out, hiding all the booze, and wondering what kind of stuff is going to happen if this person shows up.

Now, I am not feeling sorry for the addicts who are still using. And yes, I did acknowledge that these people did bring these problems on them selves. But there is an answer, and some people actually cling to this answer. They are willing to put the effort into becoming a healthy person in society. My prayers go out to these people that next year they too will be able to be with families next Christmas.

I look at myself a bit here too. This year we had a couple organizations provide presents for the kids. If God is willing, next year I will be able to sponsor a family, and give their kids a Christmas. I am really thinking about giving back what was given to me. I really want to be a good person. I will see how it goes.

Income Tax Ideas

Here I go again. It is a new day, and I have to make a new post.

I have a post to write for my Recovering Parents Site. I do want to go into my parenting story and tell about how I got to the point of putting together the site in the first place. I usually have a hard time coming up with the story. I am not sure where I want to begin.

I missed another day of work. I am starting to worry. DSHS has cut back on the amount of cash I am going to get. I knew that they were going to do this. And, yes, I am actually getting more money now. I am getting close to $900 per month. I just need to learn how to use my money better. I am going to have to save $300 per month for housing. That is about what I should be spending on housing each month. Once I get into housing, this will be the amount that I will need to spend.

Financial responsibility. This is something that I really need to learn. It was hard, because I did not have much money in the past. I really would like to get a color laser printer. I would also like to get the Microsoft Office suite. There is $1000 dollars spent right there. I am not sure what we are going to do about the income tax check this year,either. My SO was supposed to claim the children, so that he can start paying for his back child support. I could be a bitch and just claim the kids and not tell him. This way I would have at least $1000 dollars coming back to me. This could even get us a place back in Auburn.

I think that I really want to go back to school and get some formal training on the Microsoft Office Programs. I do think that this is the best bet for me. I am not sure what I want to be when I grow up. All I know right now is that I want to make enough to take care of me and the kids. We are getting so close to the time where I am going to have to think about getting braces for the kids. This will be a major expense, too. This was another thing I wanted to do with my income tax check. I figure that I will get enough to pay for ½ the braces. I could make payments for the rest of the year, and pay them off with the next income tax check. It is also possible that I could then pay ½ for my son’s braces. I will make this happen one way or another.

I guess that I need to go to bed right now. I am supposed to turn the computer off at nine. And it is almost ten now. It is kind of amazing how I can get through a document and type things out correctly when I am typing from my head. When I am typing something that is on a piece of paper, I cannot.

A short Post

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Damn, I just wrote out a post and deleted the whole dang thing. I think that I am going to keep this short today. I am not really feeling well. I did manage to get myself out of bed at 5:30 this morning. I guess that this is a good thing. Then I discovered that I did not have to go to work or class today. I know that I should have gone back to sleep at this time, but I did not. Now I am really tired and really want to go back to sleep.

There is about a foot of snow outside today.

Well, I am going to hit the sack now.

Posting again

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Once again, I am sitting here in front of the computer thinking about what I want to write. I try to turn to my Higher Power to tell me what I should write about today. Who knows, maybe I am not meant to write a post today, and this is why I cannot think of anything interesting to write about.. Maybe I should surrender and stop posting to this blog. Maybe blogging is not the thing for me to be doing. I get this idea all the time though. I get this idea when I am sitting in AA meeting. I keep feeling that everything I have to say is stupid and that I have nothing to contribute to the meeting.

If I keep up with this though pattern, I will live my life in silence. I have a voice and I need to use it.

I just had a bunch of thing go through my mind that I wanted to post about, but now they do not seem as important as they did as they did as I was thinking about them. This is why I wanted to us the post-it notes to keep up with this. I know that journaling is a useful tool for recovery. I am not sure whether blogging it is as important. I guess that in a way,blogging falls into my Ego. I am looking for people to love me. I cannot make people love me. Like I said yesterday, I need to learn to love myself. I really should read what I write about and see if I really like it. Some of the post that I wrote in the past were boring to me. I did not really say anything that was or would be useful to me in the future.

Maybe I should read other people’s blogs also. I am not sure that I am really looking at the progress I have made over time. Have I made any progress? I just read something on a blog that made me think. Today I am spell checking my blogs. I have not really gotten into proof-reading them for repeating statements and such. But, just the idea that I am at least making sure that some of the words are spelled correctly is a bit of improvement. I remember my SO’s daughter getting onto my case about my spelling of words. .

Alpha Inventions

I woke up to something interesting this morning.  I went to check my blog stats this morning and was surprized.  Usually I only got one or two visitors per day.  Well, this morning there were 17 hits to my site.  I was amazed.  I thought that myabe one of the blog exchanges accepted my blog.  But this was not the case. A site called Alpha Inventions had found this site.  I was getting all sorts of traffic from the site.

I would like to thank the site for the suprise visit and for including my blog on their site.

Thank You!

The Answer is Love

 

I started off today on a pretty bad note. I was depressed. I wanted to stay in bed. I wanted to give up all my sobriety and prove to myself that I was truly an alcoholic. Then the kids were fighting all day. I was getting into trouble for the kids fighting and all this stuff. I usually have a guilty conscience, so this stuff gets to me real bad. I also got into trouble last night for having my room look like a mess. So, after hearing the kids whine and cry all day, I decided that I was going to take off to the store. This is where the day changed.

The main thing that went through my mind as we were walking to the store is the answer to some of the problems that I have been having in my life. The answer is loving the Angel.

Simple, isn’t it? Why is it so hard to do, though? I was told in recovery to write on a sticky note “ Look in the mirror and tell the person you see that you love her.” I need to practice this. This means a lot of improvement in my life. It means that I learn how to keep the room clean, because I deserve to live in a clean room. This means that I put down the smokes, because I do not deserve the consequences of smoking. Shoot, right now, I am soaking wet because I was standing in the snow smoking. Now, do I deserve this? Heck no! It is not about anything else but treating myself the way I deserve to be treated. It is not for the kids, for my ex, my parents, but for me.

I really do not know what else to say. I really need to take notes through out the day. When these ideas come into my mind they sound great. They just do not sound as great an hour later. But this one is so true, and I need to learn to live by it. I do not have to prove myself to anybody. I do not owe anybody anything. I owe it to myself to do this stuff. Once I start treating myself better, other’s will see it. This is where I will start making improvement in my life. This is when I am going to be able to go to a meeting and actually be able to share something that will be able to use the information.

I guess that one thing that I need to do at AA meeting is talk to the new comers and not the old timers. I do not need to prove anything to anybody. The new comer is the most important person in the group.

I have grown up a bit and I am starting to walk a little straighter. I do not know.

Well, this is enough from me for now.

(here goes a clever closing line that will be determined later.)

 

Goals

I keep having things pop through my mind about what to post about. I am never sure of what I want to talk about. Ideas come in and out of my head all the time. Maybe it is a good idea to talk about goals today.

I have so many goals that I want to accomplish. I know that I have talked about a couple of them a few times. The one thing I really want to accomplish is getting up and taking a shower. I have an alarm clock set for ½ hour earlier than I want to get up to give me extra time to get ready in the morning. It is not that I do not have enough time to get some of the stuff done in the morning, It is just the way I use my time. I guess that this is true with money, too. We will never have enough money to accomplish what I want to do. The main difference, I can get a job where I get more money. If I do not use my money wisely, I can make more. I cannot go back and use my time differently. I can even return an item that I really did not want and get the money back. I also can sell some of the useless thing that I spent my money on. But if I misspend an hour, I can not get that hour back. I cannot buy back that hour. So, I guess that time management is an important to me at this time.

I know that I have been talking for ever about establishing routines. I do not know, some people do not like the word routine. To them this sounds like something that is not fun. I had a neighbor who likes to call them rhythms. Others like to call them rituals. When I hear the word routine, I think about dance routines, which are fun.

I guess that the first part of establishing a routine is getting up and getting ready for work. I would like to get to the point where I can also check e-mails and maybe even post onto a site or something. I know that I have plenty of time.

I also have a couple other goals I would like to achieve. It is kind of hard, because goals should always focus on positive points. My goals are to not post about child support or about my ex for 10 days. This seems like the best thing to do. I know that I need to let go of all this stuff. But, I am not going to talk about it at this time.

Well, this is enough from me for now.

(here goes a clever closing line that will be determined later.)